Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
