My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
