I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I wish you could order shots online.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
