Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
