Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
he puts the penis in happiness.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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