the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
