we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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