I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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