No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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