I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
