I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
