The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
