Even the bartender felt bad for me
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
