Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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