i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
this boner is exhausting
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
