Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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