You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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