i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
