why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
