I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
the day after is always just damage control
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
