it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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