Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
If I die, sorry about rent.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
