a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
