A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
