Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
