Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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