We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
