Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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