i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just had sex on a roof
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
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