oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
