At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
