Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
