How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
