So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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