I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
