He uses pillows to masturbate.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
