It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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