If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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