Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
