normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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