OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize