Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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