Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
