he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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