so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Send help, water and tortillas.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
