Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
