Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
