dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize