i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
