he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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