I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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