i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
