do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
