i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
