Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
