Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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