I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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