dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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