the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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