i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
