Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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