u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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