Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
