This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
