He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
