dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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