Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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