I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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