My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
