How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
where does the pee come out of this thing
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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