I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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