this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
