The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
