he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
