I want to walk on stilts...naked
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
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