At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
