Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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