Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
